Saturday, June 6, 2009

I feel uneasy when... (June 4)

I can't figure out what's going on, and even more uneasy when I can't figure out my own feelings or what I want and what to about it all. But I think I feel a lot better when I can figure out a metaphor to perfectly explain how I feel. Or song lyrics. Those work too. (Something about how I think... I am constantly thinking of a figurative or metaphorical way to explain or understand anything and everything. I don't like it when I haven't found what I'm looking for yet, or something that fits.)

For now, I have none of the above. Oh well, I pray it will come. I feel like I don't have a good grip on anything good or lasting right now, and that scares me. 

I need to get back to my Love. The only real thing that I ever had, but I've been so neglectful. Good thing God isn't a person, or He would never take me back. 

I guess the first step is fully realizing grace and then accepting it, which is where I find myself at the moment, but just standing at the door. I hope I come out of this for the better and that I will be stronger because I feel like I have wasted time and regressed... which I hate (because I have done so much of it in life). Lame habits, and unhealthy patterns, regress, or at least getting stuck are such human things. I feel so human lately. 

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