Thursday, December 10, 2009


It would be a true joy for you to come along, but if you do not have the same destination in mind, I would ask for you not to follow.

Psalm 23

Today I had a feast in the middle of a battle. The Lord prepared a table for me in the midst of my enemies. (Psalm 23:5)
The Lord is merciful and provides for my needs and restores my soul.

I realized today that this is all a race, and though I have already won I still need to run and I will still trip. Even when I fail and fall I have the joy and knowledge of Grace that us the underlying promise that thrives and endures throughout every circumstance. Its not that I will win, but I already have.

It kind of reminds me of the 5k that I ran on Thanksgiving day for class credit. My dad took me over at 7:30 in the morning and even though I had to run the race myself my dad was there for me and with me. When I reached the end of the race my dad was there smiling and waving at me, and I have never been so happy to see him. In my mind I had run the race and accomplished what I needed to get done. I was cold, tired, out of shape, and wanted to go home, but my father came by my side and ran with me for the last 100 or so yards to the finish line. Nothing could have meant more to me.
I think my Father, my Lord does the same thing. My job is to run, but He sustains me, He is my hope, He is my goal and He encourages me to finish, which brings a joy and fulfillment that is unimaginable.

You have already won, but your job is to run and God will give you what you need to sustain you to finish.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I didn't realize that I was such a fence sitter.

I'm getting bored up on this fence. Instead of picking a side I kind of just want to tear it down.

Friday, December 4, 2009

What does it even mean anyway.

Love seems like such a dirty word to me lately. Every time I hear it I smirk and every time I say it, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I am just bitter lately. Resentful might actually be a better word.

I just cannot seem to find a good balance between self sacrifice and the boldness to stand up for myself. There seems to be a disconnect or a blockage that I cannot get past. I cannot get to the point where I speak whats on my mind, and if I do even a little bit it takes a tremendous effort. There is something wrong with that.

This is all meant in the very general sense of just dealing with people.