Monday, July 20, 2009

Prisoner to oneself

I was listening to a song today and it put a piece of imagery in my mind and made me realize something.

The lyrics say, "Do you want to see it? The place where I was free." (20 years by Augustana)

It made me think of when I was free, if even I could see it somewhere in my memory. To be honest such a place is very hard to see or remember, kind of like trying to sort through the hazy memory of a dream.

I have always known that I was a very guarded person (which is something I have been trying to fix/ figure out for some time now). But I have also come to realize that something related to the guardedness (though not completely) is that I also have, metaphorically of course, locked myself in a cage. Much like the one Holly Golightly is in Breakfast at Tiffany’s....

You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.” Fred/ Paul.

The ball and chain is more like baggage and realizing limitations (that either are real or not).

So... to complete and clarify my metaphor here... I feel like I'm surrounded by a wall (that I built), while enclosed in a cage (that I locked myself in), and held down by a ball and chain (that I allow to remain attached to my feet).

I think we are all like that to an extent and we don’t even realize it.

What would we live like if we were free? I think it’s a lovely idea J

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